And I'm trying to deal with it.
I was an urban hippie lesbian with a rural mindset. I was an artist. I had a day job of 23 years duration. I had a partner of 31 years. We raised her kids and then some grandkids.
We lived in a humble bungalow in a city of maybe a quarter-million people. The kids and grandkids were grown, and I wanted to go back to the land (we lived off the grid in the early '80s). So we bought a big funky place on eight acres.
I was 55 and a mediocre jack-of-all-trades. My partner was a genius gardener and make-doer, and an artist as well. We had room for studios and all kinds of artistic experimentation. We had enough money to get by (with the day job). It was brilliant.
Seven months later I'm having trouble walking, and sometimes shit myself.
I go to doctors, and we pinpoint a degenerated L5 S1 disc in my back. I go to physical therapy. I have MRIs. I see a spine surgeon. He kicks me back to the doctor, who does more MRIs and sends me to neurologists. MS is mentioned (though not diagnosed). CRAB drugs are suggested, as well as IV steroids. I do research, and find that a B12 deficiency can cause all the symptoms I have, including brain lesions. I see a naturopath, who orders a decent B12 test (no one else would), and get B12 shots. I order and take a ton of supplements.
No improvement. I take three falls at work, and start walking with a cane. It becomes more difficult to get to work and to get around. It's been three years since my first symptoms. I see another neurologist, and get a diagnosis of PPMS. No relapses, no recoveries, just MS, all the time.
I take early retirement, in the form of private disability insurance through my employer.
And that's where I am now.
